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The phrase ‘idiot’s guide’ is thrown around more than an on-set pornstar when it comes to guides about sex. But unless you need to be told to be clean before getting dirty, most guys aren’t complete morons between the sheets.
They do, however, make a few basic errors that – if repeated too often – can leave their sex life shafted. Fortunately, FashionBeans columnist and Great British Sexpert Rebecca Dakin is on hand to break down what’ll keep them coming back for more (and what’ll have them running for the door).
Not Manscaping
There are several advantages to regular manscaping. The first is that trimming the bush around a trunk generally makes the tree look bigger (if you get what we mean).
The second is that the other person is far likely to be adventurous with their oral sex if they don’t have to worry about getting a pube stuck in their teeth. You don’t need to shave everything till it looks like a sad turkey (unless you want to), but being neat and tidy is always appreciated.
Overzealous Kisses
Movies have done for kissing what porn has done for sex (we’ll come to that in a bit) – in that they show exactly what not to do. Kiss with passion, but don’t cover the other person in saliva. Don’t bite like Hannibal Lecter without a warning nibble first. And don’t rip yours or their clothes off – it’s an expensive and not overly sexy habit.
Skipping Foreplay
The more time you put into relaxing the other person and getting them in the mood, the more you will reap the rewards. Be patient and take your time: women generally need around 40 minutes to warm up in the bedroom, while guys take a lot less time.
A massage is a good starting point when it comes to foreplay because it gives you an opportunity to explore their body and find out where they like to be touched.
Pumping Away Like A Pneumatic Drill
It’s only going to make you come quickly, and who’s that going to impress? For everyone’s benefit, swap stabbing it around for the long game with slow rhythmic thrusts. Use your penis to tease erogenous areas and build suspense, or as a break to prolong the action.
Coming First
You know how it’s polite to let someone through a door before you? Well, the same applies in the sheets – front door, back door, whichever you’re dealing with.
There is no bigger turnoff than a selfish lover. To keep the other person coming back for more, remember what your mother taught you (actually, don’t think of her): manners count.
Pornstar Sex
It’s time we broke something to you. Porn sex, like wrestling and the tooth fairy, isn’t real – and nothing good can come from thinking it is. That means not every person is going to want your, erm, stuff all over their face, or surprise anal sex or BDSM out of nowhere. We’re humans, not actors (or wrestlers, before you try a sexy suplex). Like our Facebook PageFollow us onTwitter
It’s no secret that luxury watches are expensive. But in some cases, a sought-after timepiece’s resale price can far exceed its initial RRP. From (very) limited editions to grand complications that celebrate quality craftsmanship, the world’s most expensive watches could set you back more than what you’d cough up for a yacht. Or a Chelsea townhouse.
The oft rolled out ‘quality means cost’ mantra may seem like standard marketing spiel, but these watches – the most expensive ever sold at auction – are cold hard proof.
10. Piaget Emperador Temple
Sold For: $3.3m
Fancy making a mugger’s day? Consider the Emperador Temple the perfect watch to do it. With 481 brilliant-cut diamonds (and that’s just the case), it’s fully iced – with a price tag to match.
The inner chamber contains an additional tourbillon with a Polynesian mother-of-pearl dial, set with another 162 diamonds. Two for the price of one? Bargain. (Sort of.)
9. 1949 Patek Philippe Steel Perpetual Calendar
Sold For: $4.1m
Most men would be honoured to receive their dad’s old watch, but it’s unlikely to be as old (and as well crafted) as this 1949 edition from Patek Philippe.
The hand-painted dial in itself is a costly feature, but its vintage and quality mechanics saw it fetch an unprecedented price at Christie’s in 2008.
8. Louis Moinet Meteoris
Sold For: $4.6m
Swiss watch prices are, generally speaking, out of this world – something that prompted Louis Moinet to literally blast off into the stratosphere.
The Meteoris boasts a fragment of rare Dhofar 459 moon rock, and only four were ever made. (A Virgin spaceflight’s still cheaper, though.)
7. Breguet 1814 Fils Chronograph Pocket Watch
Sold For: $4.7m
Marie Antoinette wasn’t known for her modesty – expensive tastes put her on the chopping block. But she did leave behind a legacy in watchmaking.
Breguet, a Swiss manufacture much patronised by Her Majesty, produced this dual movement pocket watch over 200 years ago. Pair a long lifespan with a storied brand, and you’re looking at some serious cashback.
6. Hublot Diamond Big Bang
Sold For: $5m
Unlike so many manufactures, Hublot sticks two fingers up to tradition. And considering its penchant for ostentation, this diamond-encrusted wrist trophy should come as little surprise.
It took over a year to source the 1,280 diamonds needed, and then another three years for a jeweller to hand-cut each stone to ensure a common signature throughout. Time is money.
5. Patek Philippe Yellow Gold Calibre 89
Sold For: $5.2m
As one of the most celebrated watchmakers in the world, it comes as no surprise that Patek has secured a few entries on this list.
Pieces like the Calibre 89 cement that prestige. The pocket watch was made to celebrate the brand’s 150th anniversary and was the self-declared ‘most complicated watch in the world’ of its time – 24 hands, 1,728 components, star chart function and a thermometer, all mounted on 18ct gold. (It wasn’t kidding.)
4. Patek Philippe Ref. 1518
Sold For: $11.1m
Just this year, Patek Philippe scored a record-breaking auction thanks to the Ref. 1518 – a 1940s wristwatch, only four of which exist.
And while other entries boast diamonds aplenty, the 1518’s stainless steel modesty is what makes it so rare for a Patek watch. And rarity, needless to say, bags the rubles.
3. Henry Graves By Patek Philippe Supercomplication
Sold For: $24m
November 2014 saw Sotheby’s biggest watch haul – Patek’s Henry Graves Supercomplication.
The legendary pocket watch took over eight years to make and was the result of a collector’s rivalry: Graves wanted something that would outshine the Grande Complication of auto manufacturer James Ward Packard, so he commissioned Patek to do the dirty work. As you do.
2. 201-Carat Chopard
Sold For: $25m
Just in case there weren’t enough diamonds from Hublot or Piaget, Chopard really pushed the stone out with this 201ct monstrosity.
There’s yellow diamonds, blue diamonds, white gold and yellow gold, and pretty much nothing of the brand’s usual finesse. For $25m, you too could own a watch that would feed a small country for a decade.
1. Breguet Grande Complication Marie-Antoinette
Sold For: $30m
We’ve mentioned Breguet’s service to the Dauphine of France, but this is the pocket watch that started it all (and ended all other records).
The Grande Complication was allegedly commissioned by one of the queen’s lovers and took two generations of the Breguet family to build. Unfortunately for Marie, it was completed 34 years after her execution.
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Decorative Denim
Popping down the local in Alessandro Michele’s embroidered exotic snakes and florals might be pushing the needle too far for some, but Gucci isn’t the only label dressing denim up this year.
From Off-White’s metalhead printed jeans to Philipp Plein’s embroidered styles worthy of an off-duty Conor McGregor, bells and whistles have gone from off-the-wall to on-trend.
“Big and bold looks are best for denim jackets, while localised placements on jeans are a great way to give five-pocket styles statement appeal,” says Trotman.
Want to try the embroidery trend on for size? There’s never a better time than during the summer months. Though, consider the weight as well as the wash to ensure your bottom half remains more stylish than swampy.
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The Minister of Health, Prof. Isaac Adewole, has confirmed that 33 suspected cases of Monkey pox had so far been recorded in seven states of the federation.
Adewole made this known to State House correspondents after the meeting of the Federal Executive Council (FEC) presided over by President Muhammadu Buhari, in the Presidential Villa, Abuja, on Wednesday.
He disclosed that the outbreak of the disease was reported in Bayelsa, Rivers, Ekiti, Akwa Ibom, Lagos, Ogun and Cross River states.
“What is particularly significant is that many of the cases so reported do not fit into the classic prototype of monkey pox but we are trying to confirm.
“Before the end of today or early tomorrow we should be able to confirm exactly what we are dealing with, is it truly monkey pox.
“But what is obvious is that we have a disease that is close to the pox family.
“One of our scientists, Prof. Christian Appeh, is looking into it in the laboratory to confirm if it is truly monkey pox; we are also doing a double confirmation in Senegal because Senegal also has a public health lab that could make diagnosis.
“We are looking at the two and hopefully in the next 24 or 48 hours we should be able to make a diagnosis as to what we have.’’
According to the minister, there are two types of Monkey pox – the Central African type and the West African type.
He said, the disease if confirmed, might be the West African type “which is milder because so far we have not recorded any death from monkey pox’’.
Adewole, therefore, advised Nigerians not to panic as the disease was under control, adding that they should always report all suspected cases to health facilities.
He also enjoined citizens to continue to maintain a high level of hygiene.
He said: “Let’s wash our hands, let’s avoid contact with dead animals, clean our surroundings and as much as possible for health workers to maintain barrier nursing while managing people with suspected cases of monkey pox.’’
The minister revealed that the federal government would look into the Yayale Ahmed’s Report on health sector.
He said that already the Office of the Secretary to the Government of the Federation had been mandated to forward the white paper on the Report to the Council with a view to restore harmony in the health sector.
Yayale Ahmed’s Report was the report of the Presidential Committee of Experts on Inter-Professional Relationship in the Public Health Sector to end “unhealthy rivalries’’ among healthcare professionals.
The report was submitted to the defunct administration of former President Goodluck Jonathan.
Jonathan believed that the implementation of the committee’s accepted recommendations will help to end unhealthy rivalries and incessant strikes in the public health sector, which, he noted had unfortunately created an atmosphere of uncertainty in the sector.
The former president said: “I had to set up the committee because I am very sad, and I know most Nigerians feel very sad that strikes and unhealthy rivalries among professionals in the health sector have adversely affected medical services.’’
The Minister of Labour and Employment, Dr Chris Ngige, said his ministry was fishing out industrial unions that did not have prescribed time limit for their elected officers.
“Council looked at another recommendation in terms of people who are permanently doing union activities, they are presidents of trade unions for life and they sit tight, criticise those who are trying to do third term or fourth term while they themselves are sitting tight.
“It was agreed that my ministry should continue with our work in terms of fishing out the unions that don’t have constitutions that prescribed time limit for their elected officers.
“Such unions should be made to comply with the law, so that people can be elected, they serve out their term and other people will take their place.
“That is democracy in action.’’
Ngige added that government was also considering enforcing the “no-work, no-pay’’ rule to contain strikes.
Prof. Patrick Lumumba, a Kenyan Professor of Law has urged Africans to immortalise Fela Anikulapo-Kuti and his ideal of a corrupt-free society.
Lumumba said this during the 2017 Felabration, with the theme: “40 Years after FESTAC, 20 Years after Fela, Wither the Pan-African Dream?”
Felabration is an annual music festival conceived in 1998 by Yeni Anikulapo-Kuti in memory and celebration of her father Fela, a Nigerian musician and human rights activist known for pioneering the afrobeat genre of music.
Lumumba said that Fela had remained ever green because of his ideas which emanated from his observation of the society years back.
“To achieve a corrupt free society, we must immortalise Fela’s ideas as most of his songs had attested to the fact that he had seen corruption deeply entrenched in everything in Nigerians.
“We need to immortalise Fela’s ideas and make corrections, take positive steps to adjust,” he said.
“I quite appreciate Fela’s non materialistic nature, he never indulged in acquiring material wealth, he had only one house,” he said.
“If Nigeria can get it right politically, African problems will be solved and we will be making progress.
“As patriotic Africans, we must ask ourselves questions of our origin and dig into it.
“Africans must be alive to their challenges and take conscious effort in solving those problems.
According to him, Africa’s biggest problem which is corruption must be tackled through deliberate effort of every individual and most especially the politicians.
He said that corruption was evident mostly in public sectors hence ideological schools should be established for political parties to correct every negative intention before any politician assumed office.
He urged Africans to take pride in who they are, shun inferiority complex and seek to know more of their history which would help them to solve present problems.
Lumumba also lauded the Nigerian fashion industry for promoting the local designs and made in Nigerian wears.
“Nigerians are the best dressed men and women in the world but most of the textile industries are moribund.
He appeal for the revamping of the textile industries.
Also, Mr Femi Falana, Senior Advocate of Nigeria, one of the panelist urged parents to groom their wards in indigenous languages and culture so that they would not lose touch from their root.
“I was Fela’s lawyer in his lifetime and I love his commitment to African culture and correcting societal ills.
“We need to take our culture seriously, in my house,me and my wife speak our indigenous language to our children so they speak English in school.
“I want us to emulate Fela; he changed his western name “Ransom” to Anikulapo because he believed so much in our culture.
“So let’s have people here who will denounce their western names and embrace the indigenous ones,” he said.
Mr Abraham Ogbodo, a Senior Editor with the Guardian Newspaper, one of the panelists called for the integration of the word “Felabration” in English dictionary.
He said that Felabration had been in existence for 20 years and should be recognised beyond the shores of the nation.(NAN)
